Steven Reed: The Internet in a Nutshell

I first discovered Steven Reed’s marvelous cooking series because of a tweet from comedian Patton Oswalt, who wondered whether the show was the result of some Tim & Eric sketch.

The series would have had a place on the absurd sketch comedy duo’s show because it is just so horrible and so goddamned funny. Everything about the collection of shorts, shot for segments of a college television station’s news show, is perfectly Tim & Eric, the masters of the awkward, silent stare, the perfectors of the mistimed edit, the wizards of the too-long close-up.

That’s the beauty of Steven Reed’s “Weber Cooks” series. The videos are ugly. They are pathetic. They are pitiful. And it makes them hilarious.

Most of the time Mr. Reed is staring at some unknowable point off camera. Maybe he sees something we don’t, something simple as another camera that just is not being used in the production of his show. But maybe his tired, shrouded, baggy eyes are looking at some alternate universe, in which Steven Reed lives life as a high-class restaurateur and some shmuck named Emeril is stuck pouring creamed corn over a microwaved mashed potato.

Regardless of what is going on behind Reed’s sky blues during these pregnant pauses, his nervousness is evident, and it has great – albeit unintended – comedic effect. Sentences stop mid-stream. Can-openers rattle in shaking hands. Plastic knives are microwaved. Also almost everything placed in the microwave is some kind of plastic, even after Reed mutters a warning about all glass bowls placed in the nuke-machine needing to be Pyrex.

There are points in the show when even the cameramen are heard snickering in the background. Not that their exempt from the hilarious horribleness that pervades “Weber Cooks.” Whose brilliant idea was it to hold a bowl of chili partially mixed with cheese dip in full frame for ten belly-laugh-inducing seconds? In one of the Youtube clips, we get a glimpse of a pair of anchors, one presumably stifling a laugh while the other stares brainlessly ahead, obviously dumbfounded by Steven’s ability to use only a glass bowl and a microwave to prepare a dish of spaghetti.

And who came up with these recipes? Admittedly, the videos are intended for college students, but must one be a trained master chef in order reheat canned chili with a microwave?

I really hope other people see the comedy that I see in these videos, otherwise I am the kind of horrible, compassionless person who laughs maniacally at those misfortunate enough to try something in earnest.

Of course, that is the redeeming quality of those videos. They are completely sincere; they are completely genuine. Reed stumbles over his words, he breathes heavily into his microphone and his hands shake because he must be nervous. And he must be nervous because he cares about the quality of the program he creates. I don’t know if he has given this any thought, but I would be terrified at the prospect of putting anything onto film that might be broadcast to an entire college community, or – if said college community is filled with sadists – the entire Internet. I wonder if he thought about that while making these segments, the possibility that one day millions of people will discover his cooking talent and millions will either cheer him or laugh at him.

Many will decry these videos as an example of the terribleness of the Internet. They’ll say that Steven Reed doesn’t deserve a camera, that he doesn’t deserve the dignity of having his own cooking show because he is just so terrible. Or they’ll decry the Internet for being another tool used by a masked elite to laugh at and ridicule the misfortune of a pathetic and vulnerable for being pathetic and vulnerable. And these sentiments are true. Red will get a lot of attention that he probably doesn’t deserve and he’ll get it specifically for being terrible at what he does. And a lot of compassionless bullies will exploit Reed and his efforts. They’ll toss him aside and laugh at him, just as I did for most of this post. This is the nadir of the Internet’s potential.

I hope some will see the beauty of these videos. I hope some will be able to see past their unintentional comedy and understand how great they are, how wonderful a tool the Internet. People can care about things. People can care about the stupidest things and put effort into them. They can stand behind a TV set countertop, lonely and alone, and they can drizzle canned tomato sauce over microwaved spaghetti. They can record it. Then, because they have the guts, because they have the gall to be proud of the work they’ve done, because they have tried and there is nothing more glorious than merely trying, they share their creation with the world. Even ten years ago, the final step of this plan would be impossible. Cooking shows, musicians, comedy vlogs, stupid and pointless blogs written by idiots, their reach would have been horribly limited. Now people can bare their soul to the world with the click of a mouse. And maybe they’ll be ridiculed. Maybe they’ll be laughed at.

But they’ve striven for something, and what else is there to do?

Here is the pinnacle of the Internet’s achievement.